text me harder.
“The thing is, you deserve the whole package, and he’s just a package.” I love my girlfriends.
2 years agoI’m Just Sayin’ Is All - by Kitty
2 years ago
i might be close to the last person in this city to get an iphone. some of things that i’ve realized in my short time as an iphon-ee are:
• text messages show up on your phone above everything else. this means if your phone is sitting on a table somewhere where everyone can see it, they see your text message as well. not so cool for private texts.
• i synced my phone up to address book on computer. address book on computer has buttload of old numbers in it. therefore i have a lot of deleting to do. also, to make a call, you just tap the name of the person. not used to this. i accidentally called a few people by accident way late last night. oops.
2 years agoeye patch guy on craigslist
i was going to post screenshots,etc of this very same thing, but someone already has.. so im just linking to their blog…
http://brothercyst.blogspot.com/2009/02/craigslist-missed-connections-stories.html
2 years agoi love instant messaging sometimes. - Topper
this is pretty much verbatim how it was typed. i only changed the names to protect the innocent.
3:37pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
hi topper
do you remember me
3:37pm me
of course!
how are you
3:37pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
do you move to brooklyn
3:38pm me
ive always lived in brooklyn
3:38pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
in bedford..
i have to ask you something
3:41pm me
ok
3:41pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
r you friend of jennifer (not real name)
3:41pm me
yes
why
3:42pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
because
do you remember when we go to dinner with your friend!!
the firts time i meet you..
she is so ungry with me
she think that i sleep with you that night
3:44pm me
what??
3:44pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
i have a lot of problems with her
3:44pm me
did you tell her nothing happened?
3:44pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
she is so agresive with me
yes of course
3:45pm me
she didnt believe you?
3:45pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
no
she send me message like
im kissing that gay…
she is a bichhhhhhhh sorry
but she used to by my friend and know she is so agresive with me
3:46pm me
im kissing that gay?
what does that mean
i havent talked to her in a long time
3:47pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
i think sex or i dont know
do you have something with her????
in the work she is to agressive with me
3:48pm me
very briefly we had a thing
3:49pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
maybe thats way
but is ok
know i have all her friends been agreesive with me in the work
3:49pm me
sorry to hear that
3:50pm-foreign girl who cannot spell worth a damn
but i think she is crazy and inmature
me to
Unbelievably Past-Due Update - by Kitty
Topper’s totally right. We have been quite remiss in posting. Yes, holidays holiday holidays and winter blahs have contributed. But also: laziness! So in Monday morning ESPN-style wrap-up, let me get you up to speed. When I last left off the T.P. story I had predicted the Facebook “In a Relationship” status would be changing in a week. My timing was off. But my instincts were right fucking on. We agreed to see each other over the holiday while the poor, unknowing Paperbag Head was out of state. Yes, I felt shitty about that. As LOML (love of my life) and I were breaking up, I said the words, “I don’t know how woman could knowingly do that to another woman.” God, women suck. Because the simple answer is: I cared more about me than I cared about her.
We’ve been sleeping together and stealing moments together when we can. And I have to admit, having him every once in a while is kinda nice. She is the one who has to have him as The Boyfriend and I get to be the one that has him as it suits us both. It’s like getting to eat the icing off the cupcake with no one telling you you have to eat the cake, too. But the creeping feeling of, “Oh, shit. What if he actually breaks up with her and wants to be with me again?” has been omnipresent. Do I want him back? Or do I just like the competition? Do I just want to win? All those things I said about him being annoying are still true. He didn’t get any smarter or fitter or…anything. He still is who he is. And I am who I am. Nothing important has changed. Is it just winter and do I just want a warm, snuggly thing in my bed? What the fuck am I doing here? Ultimately, I just don’t know.
And then tonight, I took a look at his Facebook page. You may have guessed it: His relationship status is now gone. There’s no hot-link connecting him to her anymore. Shit.
3 years agoblue light special on aisle 4 - by topper
call it the holiday slump. call it the new year. call it what you will, its been too long since a new post has gone up. its a new year, a new president gets sworn in tomorrow, there is snow on the ground, its time for some action. i just have one question…
why is it that almost the exact moment when you start being interested in someone and forget about all the other potential partners out there… THAT is when they start tearing your door down? it’s like women have this innate sense of when a man is being taken off the market, so they rush in hoping not to miss the big sale.
in other news, its been about 2 months since i’ve gotten laid.
maybe i should take kitty’s approach and see what may lie in the depths of the internet dating world. at the least, i will have more fodder for textmeharder.
![Smells Like a Form Email - by Kitty
Just got this email on one of my online dating thingies. It is so good I had to share:
Subject: Your Very Pretty but something is missing!!!!!!!!
Body:
My ring on you finger!!!!!!!!!!!Will we raise our little ones as Protestant or Athiest? I am kidding about marriage; we will start off as friends.I work in NY in sales let us meet for dinner one night after work.When are you going to call me. [phone number redacted].[name redacted]PS Please stay away from Wal Mart’s I do not want you to be trampled. You look like the girl next door; I got have you.](http://26.media.tumblr.com/kNzioaxqii4r50qlpAfXeHW0o1_500.jpg)
Smells Like a Form Email - by Kitty
Just got this email on one of my online dating thingies. It is so good I had to share:
Subject: Your Very Pretty but something is missing!!!!!!!!
Body:
My ring on you finger!!!!!!!!!!!
Will we raise our little ones as Protestant or Athiest?
I am kidding about marriage; we will start off as friends.
I work in NY in sales let us meet for dinner one night after work.
When are you going to call me. [phone number redacted].
[name redacted]
PS Please stay away from Wal Mart’s I do not want you to be trampled. You look like the girl next door; I got have you.
Beware: Cougars ready to Pounce - by Topper
Dating in this city sometimes makes me feel like such a piece of shit. I’m just minding my own business, trying to keep my head down and then along comes someone ruffling feathers. I woke up the other morning to a coworker in my bed. WTF. Why are you here? How did this happen? We didnt have sex did we? (No? Oh Thank God!) Can you please leave now? Weren’t you hitting on my friend last night? Why are you here, are you lost? Hey, there’s a cab!.. Jump in it, quick!!
Okay, I actually felt used. And honestly I didnt really care, I just don’t really have any feelings for this person, and I’m pretty sure I never gave off the impression that I did. Thanks alcohol for giving this poor woman a reason to point her almost pitiful desperation in my direction. And didnt you say you had a boyfriend? So why are you bothering me?
3 years ago
I’m a Cruel, Cruel Bitch - by Kitty
So I asked Tony Pepperoni to mail me back a small little thing of mine that he had. It wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it was mine and I wanted it, dammit! And like a grown-up, he did. In the envelope with the trinket, in his somewhat childish scrawl was a note. Its sentiment was sweet, I guess, noting how this was “hard for him, too.” Not hard enough not to bang Paperbag Head, though. What infuriated me was how he closed the thing with “Love always, me”. Don’t fucking love-always-me ME, mister! You have no right. Ahem. Hello, high horse!
Today, against my own better judgment I IM’ed him to say a very quick, “Thanks for sending the thing.” Now why I did such a thing knowing that I’d be taking the blue pill (or the red one …. whichever one it was that Alice took) and jumping down that rabbit hole, I cannot say. One thing led to another and soon we were rehashing things with a kind of level-headedness that I am not often prone to. And it was quite nice to talk to him. When it became apparent that feelings were not totally dead, I did not discourage him. I let him tell me about how he still felt for me, etc., knowing full well that he is still “in a relationship with” Paperbag Head. I may have even encouraged it. The whole time I was smirking to myself in a self-satisfied sort of way thinking that poor Paperbag Head didn’t know who she was up against. And now, as he is still texting me on his way home, I am willing to say that he will be FB-dumping her in the next week. I am willing to take bets. I am also willing to bet that I’m an absolute fucking bitch.
3 years agoMy Life as ‘Knocked Up’ plot points - by Topper
1. boy meets girl throught internet dating website.
2. boy and girl go on a few casual dates.
3. boy and girl engage in sexual intercourse.
4. relationship never really takes off, lacks inertia to continue.
5. month goes by with not much contact.
6. girl calls boy to tell him she is pregnant.
7. girl has already made decision to get abortion, yet calls boy to discuss.
8. girl goes through with abortion that weekend.
9. boy and girl never talk to each other again.
10. boy is constantly haunted by this event.
3 years ago